This is me through the eyes of my 4.5 year old daughter.  I’m a superhero (with big earrings). There are moments when I see myself this way too.  And moments when I don’t.

Confidence has been a hot topic this year.  Books like The Confidence Code attempt to crack the code on where confidence comes from for women. Having coached both men and women leaders, I see lack of confidence/self doubt as a human problem.  And it is shockingly pervasive.   Here are some things I’ve observed over and over:

  • We think that fake it ‘til you make it is the solution to confidence.  And we wonder how long we’ll have to endure being fake.
  • We compare what goes on inside our heads to other people’s outsides.  “Look at that impeccably dressed, powerful male leader.  He must never doubt himself like I do”.  
  • Most of us need to be liked and/or seen as smart, productive, successful (insert your own words).   And, like a house of cards, our confidence gets rattled when our conditions are not met.

So I offer a reframe:

  • Stop focusing on confidence.  Focus instead on being brave. It’s a choice. Step out of your comfort zone and into your inner superhero.  Realize you didn’t die. Repeat.
  • Stop comparing your innards to someone else’s nice suit.  Feeling “less than” is your made up version of reality.
  • Unhinge yourself from limiting beliefs like “failure is not an option” to give yourself some wiggle room in this life. You cannot lick the confidence problem unless you grow your mindset.

This reframe makes it sound easy.  In my personal experience and my work coaching leaders, it has not been a flick of a switch but rather a process.  The rewards are great though, when you can feel strong inside and match the strong exterior that other people see.   

When you lack confidence, we get deprived of your brilliance. So do the work. We need you to show up as the superhero you are, with or without big earrings.  Click here to connect.


1 Comment

  1. Deekshi on December 25, 2015 at 4:48 am

    Everyone needs to wake up from their old ideas once in a while. One method is to tie a rbuebr band on one’s wrist. When you should be doing something and not taking any steps to it, snap the rbuebr band. Ouch!

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